


Foundation

by Moontyger



Category: Xenosaga
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontyger/pseuds/Moontyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The URTVs were created for a purpose - a purpose they failed to fulfill.  Now what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foundation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boywonder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boywonder/gifts).



The Yuriev Institute was a place of secrets, of true agendas hidden behind false ones, of things hinted at but never spoken of clearly, if they were acknowledged at all. No one knew this better than Nigredo, with his hidden purpose and secret instructions from his father. So many things his brothers believed were lies, screens to conceal truths they couldn't bear and he, who knew better, couldn't disillusion them.

Yet for all that, sometimes he felt that there were even more secrets to keep here on Second Miltia. Their father was gone and the Institute lost, along with Miltia itself; to all outward appearances, of everything that had once been the whole of their lives, only he and Rubedo remained. 

He'd thought that would mean that things could be different. When it was just the two of them, there would be no more need for secrets. 

But the habits of a lifetime, even one so short and strange as theirs had been, were not easily broken. There was no lack of opportunity to excuse it now and he needn't fear being overheard, but still the words caught in his throat, piling up behind the locked gates of his lips until it was hard to breathe through them.

It wasn't only his fault, of course. Silences went both ways and theirs was mutual; it was easy to keep secrets when the right questions were never asked. By some mutual agreement they'd never actually made, they never spoke of that night on Miltia. He didn't ask Rubedo what had happened, why he'd panicked and broken the link – in those last moments, they'd all felt his fear, but the cause of it was something only Rubedo knew. And in turn, Rubedo never asked him why he'd told him to leave him behind.

They never spoke of their father, or the mission they'd failed so spectacularly. They didn't mention what had become of the standard URTVs, driven to madness without the protection only their link could give them. And of course they never spoke of Albedo.

Perhaps it was better this way. If Rubedo never asked, Nigredo didn't have to lie. If they didn't discuss their mission, it was easier to ignore their current lack of one, along with the concurrent, ever-present fear of what that meant for their future. It had never been a secret that the URTVs had been created for a purpose; they were weapons, not children. But what was the point of keeping around a weapon that had malfunctioned and failed during the only test that really mattered?

It was a question Nigredo asked himself repeatedly, lying awake in the bed they shared by choice rather than necessity. This, too, he kept to himself, though by rights it should have been Rubedo's to decide – he was both the elder brother and the one created to lead. (The fact that Rubedo was also the one Nigredo had been meant to kill was something he did his best to forget, though it didn't keep him from having nightmares about it, waking up convinced he was finally and forever alone, his brother's blood on his hands.)

Maybe that was why Nigredo wanted to do something about it, the fear and guilt making him want to make up for an action not yet taken. Or maybe it was because of the growing differences between them: the way sometimes, when he curled around his brother at night, he couldn't help thinking that Rubedo seemed so small and almost vulnerable, or the way that strangers spoke only to Nigredo now, looking to him to speak for them both. Or maybe it was even simpler than that. He knew that Rubedo already took too much on himself; he didn't have to speak of it for Nigredo to feel the way he blamed himself for both their failure on Miltia and the fact that they were the only URTVs left. That wasn't something Nigredo could fix; even if he told Rubedo he didn't blame him, even if he used their link to do it so Rubedo _knew_ he was sincere, it still wouldn't be enough. It wasn't Nigredo's forgiveness Rubedo needed, not when he was the one still here and still sane. 

Taking care of their future, however, was something he could do, and if he could spare his brother even this much, he would.

The first step was to talk to Helmer. As the only known living children of Dmitri Yuriev, however altered and artificial that relationship had been, he and Rubedo didn't lack for resources, but in the eyes of the world, they were still children. If they wished to do anything of note while that remained the case, they'd need help from an adult.

Because this was business, he made an appointment at Helmer's office rather than asking him to drop by. He didn't have to; because he and Rubedo were legally in Helmer's care now, he could have asked informally. Once he was seated in that office and staring across a desk that was still too tall for him, Nigredo felt so much like a child pretending to be an adult that he wished he had, but he wanted to do this right.

“I want,” he said, jumping right into it rather than prevaricating, “to do something about what happened on Miltia.”

Helmer looked at him seriously, without the patronizing expression adults so often wore when listening to children, an expression with which Nigredo had already become far too familiar. “Go on.”

“That night... it was chaos. It seemed like the whole world was falling apart. I knew that couldn't all have been caused by us, or even U-DO, so I did some looking into it.”

“And you found U-TIC.”

Nigredo looked at him accusingly. “You already knew. And you didn't tell us? We're not children.”

“Legally, you are,” Helmer countered. “But that's not why. U-TIC has a great deal of power. It won't be easy to oppose them.” 

“Then we'll get power of our own. You know what I can do.” Nigredo hadn't intended to use it, not like this, but when he thought about that night, the fires and death and an entire planet lost, any hesitation he had vanished. This was part of what he was made for, the part that he could use for his own goals, not his father's. The part that maybe, if he used it in the right way, he wouldn't have to be ashamed of.

“I know.” A bold admission, considering the secrecy of the URTV project, but Helmer's expression hadn't changed. “Does Rubedo know about this?”

“Not yet. I didn't want to ask him if it wasn't possible.” Which, given what they'd just said, was merely an excuse and Helmer had to know it. If Nigredo didn't care how he got Helmer's agreement, there was no uncertainty involved. Knowing what he could do didn't mean Helmer could counter it. But Rubedo wouldn't like it, so for this first step, he left Helmer free to decide for himself.

“What did you have in mind?”

“If we're opposing an organization, we'll need one of our own. A partnership, with your name to give it legitimacy, at least at first.” Nigredo had tried to come up with ways around this, but hadn't been able to, not without leaving traces that might cause problems later. “And we'll need new identities, something that will stand up to anyone looking into us.” Nigredo didn't bother to explain that part; it was too self-evident. If people knew about their history, about who and what he and Rubedo really were, it would cast doubt on their new organization from the very start.

“If you get Rubedo's agreement, I'll see what I can do.”

“Then that's all I can ask.” Nigredo stood up and reached across Helmer's desk to shake his hand. He still didn't feel comfortable doing things like this, but that had to change, and the sooner he managed it, the better. “Next time, I'll make the appointment for both of us.”

* * *

Nigredo expected Rubedo to be waiting for him impatiently, full of questions about where he'd been and what he'd been doing. Now that it was just the two of them, it was unusual for either of them to go off alone, but he hadn't wanted to explain his intentions until after he knew his meeting had been successful.

But he arrived home to a silent apartment, so silent that if he hadn't been able to sense his brother's presence, he'd have thought Rubedo had taken the opportunity to take care of business of his own. Curious and now a bit concerned, he went looking to see what Rubedo was doing. He hadn't seemed sick when Nigredo had left, but this wasn't like him.

It wasn't hard to find him, of course – their place wasn't that big. Rubedo was seated on the bedroom floor, eyes closed but still upright, albeit uncharacteristically still and silent. Nigredo could feel that he was concentrating hard on something, but whatever it was wasn't immediately apparent. He walked past and sat on the bed to wait, leaning against the wall and trying to listen without actively intruding. Even then, Rubedo didn't stir, though he must have known Nigredo was there.

He was just about to give up when Rubedo sighed and opened his eyes. Whatever he'd been doing, it hadn't gone well – his frustration was so obvious that Nigredo thought he'd have been able to feel it even if they hadn't been linked.

“What were you doing?” he asked, for the moment far more interested in his brother's strange behavior than the plans he'd made.

“Forget about it," he said, then added when he realized that was unlikely, "I don't want to talk about it.” Rubedo leaned back against the bed, but only for a moment, just long enough for Nigredo to touch his hair in a gesture he meant to be comforting. When Rubedo got to his feet and began pacing, however, he thought it might have been a mistake. It hadn't been intended to be patronizing and he knew Rubedo knew that, but the growing differences between them (or, more accurately, the way those differences affected how people treated them) had made him touchy about anything that seemed even vaguely like his younger brother was treating him like a child.

Rubedo paced the length of the room a few times before he paused and turned to face the bed. “Where did you go today? You said you'd tell me about it when you got back.” 

Everything instinct screamed at Nigredo to use his abilities, to make sure that Rubedo agreed with him rather than rejecting his plans because he was in a bad mood, but he wouldn't do it. Even if it would work, which he wasn't sure about, he'd promised himself he would never do that. Bad enough he might one day have no choice but to betray his brother; he wouldn't willingly do so now, even in small ways. “I went to talk to Helmer about an idea I'd had. But we won't go ahead with it unless you agree.”

Luckily, he hadn't taken into account how curious Rubedo could be. Of all the variants, he'd been the one most prone to prying, always going where he wasn't supposed to be and digging in things he shouldn't. New circumstances hadn't changed that; it was too integral a part of Rubedo's personality. Nigredo had found it frustrating at the Institute, where it was always getting them in trouble; funny that he'd find himself grateful for it now.

Rubedo left off his pacing and came to sit beside Nigredo, frustration pushed aside now that he had something to interest him. “What kind of idea?”

“You know what happened on Miltia wasn't all due to us, or even our father.”

“Yeah, I know,” Rubedo admitted. “Even if we pissed U-DO off, I don't think we had anything to do with the Gnosis. But so what?”

“I wanted to find out more about what happened and then do something about it.” There was no real reason to go through this step by step; Nigredo knew Rubedo was far from stupid. He could have summed up his meeting today in a single sentence. But while Nigredo had never been able to fight as well as his brothers, convincing people had been part of his training and that much, he was willing to use.

“Sure, you know I want that, too. So that can't be all there is to this.”

“It is, except that the people we're after – it's not just a few. And they have power. So we're going to need people and power of our own. I went to talk to Helmer about creating a Foundation, an organization we can use to attract support.”

“You want to play politics. Great.” Rubedo's distaste was obvious, but when he saw Nigredo's expression, he tried to look less disgusted. “Nah, I mean it. You're right – we can't always just shoot people. But what about me? I'm no good at that stuff.”

“Helmer and I will handle the politics. You'll handle the actual operations.” 

Rubedo looked away. “No, not just... I mean - what about me?” He seemed to be addressing the empty air now, not Nigredo next to him. “I tried to fix it – tried to fix _myself_ – and I can't. But as long as I'm stuck like this, as long as people think I'm just some stupid kid, I can't be in charge of anything. No one will take me seriously.”

That was what Rubedo had been doing earlier, Nigredo realized – trying to regain enough conscious control over his abilities to turn them off, at least enough to grow up.

“They will. I'll make sure of it.”

“No.” Rubedo was already shaking his head. “I don't want it, not like that.” _I don't need anyone's charity – not even yours._

“All right.” Nigredo didn't even try to argue. If it had been him, or if both of them had been stuck, left to stay forever the same age like the Realians they weren't quite, he might have felt the same. Forced respect would never feel the same as that you'd earned; he hadn't even had much experience with it and he knew that much. “Then we'll do it the hard way. We'll be careful who we hire, make sure it's no one who will hold it against you. Work with them awhile and what you look like won't matter.”

Rubedo still didn't look particularly happy. He was probably already picturing the incredulous looks and dismissive tones with which he'd be greeted until people got used to taking orders from someone who looked like he was twelve. That was no surprise; Nigredo could imagine it all too well and he wouldn't have to be subjected to it unless he allowed it. But Rubedo hadn't said no, at least not yet.

_You really want this, don't you?_

_Yes._ Speaking through the link between them like this, Nigredo couldn't lie, which was probably why Rubedo had used it. _I want an explanation. And I want... justice._ Though that wasn't quite the word for it. There was no justice for what had happened, for the minds and lives lost that terrible night. Nothing could bring back or make up for the siblings they'd lost, especially the one they so deliberately avoided mentioning. He only hoped doing something about it might let the brother he had left finally stop blaming himself. _I don't think we can do this without help._

“All right. Let's do it. Beats sitting around here, anyway.” Rubedo tried to sound casual about it, but Nigredo could tell he was still unsure.

Nigredo wrapped an arm around Rubedo's shoulders and pulled him close, using touch to offer the reassurances that might sound too thin to comfort if put into words. “We'll have new identities, at least in public. But when it's just us, nothing has to change.”

Silence was his only reply, though at least Rubedo didn't stiffen or pull away. He stayed where he was, leaning on Nigredo's shoulder for long enough that he might almost have fallen asleep. _Things will change,_ he finally sent. _They already have. You can't stop that._ Rubedo's thoughts were accompanied by a general sense of his awareness of the growing size disparity between them, the ease with which Nigredo's arm encircled his shoulders and the way he had to lean over uncomfortably for sitting like this to even still be possible.

Sometimes it seemed there were a great many things that Nigredo couldn't change. He couldn't stop himself from growing up, even if he wanted to. He couldn't save the other URTVs and he hadn't been able to convince Rubedo to leave him behind on Miltia. Most of all, he wasn't at all sure he could change who he'd been created to be. Not that he didn't intend to try anyway, to fight with everything he had, but he knew that wouldn't necessarily mean anything. He would be fighting his very nature, just as Rubedo had been trying and failing to fight his. And Rubedo was probably right about this as well – things between them would change once this plan was set in motion. Even if they didn't mean for it to happen, the people they were in public - whoever those people were - would inevitably affect who they were in private.

But none of that changed his answer. He didn't know how long he and Rubedo might have to be together like this, but even if it had been selfish to stay when he knew what might happen, Nigredo wasn't willing to give up on what time they had. If he surrendered that easily, he'd already be gone. So he pulled his brother closer and wrapped both arms around him, enveloping him with his body as though he could somehow use it to keep out both time and the universe itself. _Things will change,_ he agreed. _Maybe almost everything. But not us._


End file.
